Hello my friends,
I may have overestimated myself.
If you were looking for this newsletter last Saturday, you didn’t find it. I missed my deadline.
The old version of me would have spiraled. I would have told myself I was "unprofessional" or "inconsistent." I would have felt the heavy weight of failure, and honestly? I probably would have stopped writing entirely for a few weeks out of shame.
But newborn life is exhausting and messy.
I have eliminated almost every other obligation and personal project, but I wanted to keep writing because it helps me keep my sanity. Writing is like therapy to me.
So instead of quitting, I told myself: I’m just practicing.
And that brings me to a question my brother asked me recently during a family video call that stopped me in my tracks.
“Since you guys are so busy now with the new baby,” he asked, “how has your diet changed?”
I realized in that moment that most people expected the answer to be: “Oh, we fell off the wagon. We’re eating takeout. We’ll get back to it when things settle down.”
But that wasn’t the answer.
We are still eating plant-based. We are still moving our bodies. We are still prioritizing health.
We just changed the method.
The Science of Why We Quit: The Habenula
One of the most impactful books I read this year was The Unstoppable Brain by Dr. Kyra Bobinet. She talks about the difference between a Performance Mindset and an Iterative Mindset.
Most of us—especially high-achievers—operate in a Performance Mindset. We set a rigid goal (e.g., "I will prep fresh meals every Sunday").
If we do it? Success.
If we miss a day? Failure.
Neuroscience shows that when you perceive you have failed, a tiny part of your brain called the habenula gets activated.
Think of the habenula as your brain’s "motivation kill switch."
Its job is to protect you from the pain of failure. So when you feel like you’ve failed, the habenula lights up and chemically suppresses your motivation to try again. It’s not that you lack willpower; it’s that your brain is literally trying to stop you from feeling bad again.
This is why "all-or-nothing" usually ends with "nothing."
The Iterative Mindset
The antidote to the kill switch is the Iterative Mindset. This approach treats your life like a flexible experiment rather than a strict test.
Instead of judging yourself as a "success" or "failure," you view every result simply as data.
Plan A didn’t work? That’s not a failure of you. That’s just data that Plan A doesn’t fit your current reality.
Response: You don’t quit. You iterate. You tweak the variables and try Plan B.
But I know what you’re thinking. I can hear the objection because I used to think it myself.
"But Grazelle, isn't that just lowering my standards?"
This is our biggest fear. We worry that if we start "iterating" (making things easier), we are being lazy. We fear the slippery slope—that if we lower the bar today, we’ll be eating donuts on the couch tomorrow.
This is the reframe that saved me:
You are not lowering your Standard. You are simply adjusting the Method.
Think of your health habits like a volume dial, not a light switch.
The Light Switch approach: You’re either doing it perfectly (ON) or you’re doing nothing (OFF).
The Dial approach: When life gets loud (newborn, work crisis, travel), you don’t turn the music off. You just turn the volume down so you can keep playing.
The Standard is the outcome you are committed to. The Method is how you get there.
Let me show you what this looks like in my life right now.
How I’m "Iterating" Newborn Life
My standard has not changed: I nourish my body with whole plants and I move my body daily.
But my methods? They look completely different than they did last year.
1. The Nutrition Iteration
Old Method (Pre-Baby): Steel-cut oats slow-cooked on the stove. Fresh vegetables chopped daily. IG-worthy recipes.
New Method (Current Reality): Instant oatmeal. Canned beans (rinsed). Frozen fruits and veggies. Pre-cut produce. Sometimes, processed vegan meals or microwaveable options and takeouts.
Am I lowering my standards? No. I am still fueling my body with fiber and nutrients. I am simply using a method that fits the 20 minutes I have, rather than the 60 minutes I wish I had.
2. The Movement Iteration
Old Method: Home kickboxing sessions or strength training and yoga at the PT clinic.
New Method: It is freezing outside, and I am not taking a newborn out in the cold. I’m also recovering postpartum. So, I just walk loops inside my house or dance in the living room while holding my baby to music.
It’s not "optimal" training. But it keeps the habit alive.
The "I'm Just Practicing" Mantra
Looking back at how my husband and I have sustained this lifestyle for over 3 years—versus the decade I spent starting and stopping—this was the difference.
I stopped trying to perform. I started treating it like an experiment.
When things got messy, instead of saying "I failed," I learned to say: "I’m just practicing."
There is so much less pressure when you are practicing. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to use canned beans. You are allowed to send a newsletter on a Wednesday instead of a Saturday. Or skip a week. 😉
I look at my current situation as something temporary—because it is. My baby will grow up. The sleep schedule will get better. The weather will warm up.
But for now? I would rather iterate than stop and let go altogether.
Your turn: Where are you currently stuck in "Performance Mode"? Where is your habenula (that kill switch) threatening to shut you down because you can’t do it "perfectly"?
Try turning the volume down. Change the method, keep the standard.
And remember: You never fail. You just iterate.
With gratitude (and a can of beans with mild chili sauce),
Grazelle 🌱
PS: If you’re struggling to figure out how to iterate your specific meals or workouts during a busy season, reply and let me know. Sometimes we just need permission to make it simpler.
Whenever you’re ready, here are some other (free) resources you can check out:
Join the free Health Habit Reset 7-Day Challenge for evidence-based strategies that fit your busy schedule.
Want to start eating plant-based? Grab this free guide to simplify your transition to a whole food plant-rich lifestyle.